Sad but Hopeful: Untangling Business, Life, and The Sad

For a quick update on what’s going on with Bethanie’s Place please skip over to the last two paragraphs! If you want to have a little read about why I’ve been so absent and what’s going on with me and my life, please do read below.

Hello! I keep doing this, don’t I? Promising that I’ll be more active and then vanishing. For that I am truly sorry, although I’m not 100% sure that any real people read my blog at the moment. If you are real and you’re reading this then thank you, I appreciate you a lot. To be brief I am not doing all that well, but I am hopeful that I can turn things around.

I’ve written about my mental health in the past, but most of those posts end up being deleted or getting lost on pages I no longer use. I’ve not got any diagnosis for what’s going on in my brain, but what I have had informally confirmed by a mental health physician is that I have generalised anxiety disorder. In a nutshell I’m anxious a lot, and that anxiety is often in response to or is a cause of my other brain friend, depression. The ‘big sad’ might be more appropriate seeing as I’m undiagnosed.

So, what’s any of this got to do with Bethanie’s Place, business, or art? Everything and nothing really. Some days I’m fine and can do all the stuff I have to do to qualify as a small business owning and regular job working productive adult. Today is not a fine day. The sad has hit me hard and honestly it’s taken me all day to write and publish this post. My head hurts from thinking, and my eyes are sore from crying. Let me give you some context to help it make sense, not that it makes much sense to me. That’s the biggest thing with anxiety, it’s irrational. Knowing that does make it easier in some ways, but it doesn’t take it away.

We (myself, my dog, and my partner) recently moved from our city centre studio apartment to a wonderfully spacious two bed apartment surrounded by all of the trees. I’d been telling myself for the longest time that as soon as we found a bigger and brighter place to live that everything would fall into place in my brain and I’d finally be ‘okay’. As I always discover when I tell myself these bizarre narratives, that is never the case. I’m certainly far happier here than in the tiny box I was in two weeks ago, but I’m exhausted. I’ve been working more than ever, we’re still not 100% moved into the new place, and there are other monsters I needn’t drag into my wonderful happy internet space. On paper my life is great. I love my little family, our home is coming together beautifully, and my job is mostly wonderful, but my brain isn’t always the friend to me that it should be.

I love running Bethanie’s Place, the fact that it exists and that my art is in peoples’ homes across the globe is almost incomprehensible to me. I have this drive to push myself to do really well, but because my life is already so full of things to do I end up getting myself into a pickle. My brain stumbles though, because I always compare myself to people who get to run their business full time. The reality is that working pretty much full time in my regular day job I won’t be hitting those same sales numbers or growing my socials as quickly as they can. All I can do is what I can do, and if I need to use one of my days off a week to just look after myself and not do much else, that’s okay. I know that I can make Bethanie’s Place a success, although I know my partner would argue that it already is, and I love him all the more for that. I have so much already that I know past Beth desperately wanted, and I need to give myself the time to accept that and realise that it’s real and it’s mine.

So, what’s next for Bethanie’s Place?

Over the weekend I’m going to be writing up as many Small Business Series posts that I can, and I’ll be scheduling them for weekly/bi-weekly publication. If you haven’t read the first few in that series please do go and check them out, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Alongside writing for the blog I have so many illustration ideas I want to get started on, and it’s my aim to post about the progress I make on those illustrations here. I’m going to be making some changes to my art shop soon, if you haven’t been over to see what I sell yet I’d love it if you did! I’ll be taking some products down, and I’ll be adding a few pieces that I’ve been working on the past month or so soon. I want to create a flow with my ‘brand’ and start to make a specific look and feel for Bethanie’s Place. I’ll be making sure to update as and when I make those moves.

Thank you so much for stopping by, I hope you’re all doing well. That’s all for today, as always you can see what I’ve been getting up to over on my Instagram or Twitter, although I’ve been pretty quiet the past couple of weeks. Thanks again, and hopefully I’ll see you in the next one.

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